But then the essence of getting married is selecting the perfect person for marriage... And while conversing with my co-author, she mentioned S.S.S. and when asked what it was.. she simply said... Spouse Selection System....
That made me thing.. how exactly do you select a wife.. or a husband for that matter... what do you really look for... and how do you know that you can spend your whole life with this person?
I think everyone has their take on this... some say, I want someone beautiful... others, I want sense of humor...
But these are mostly superficial things... when you start living with someone... you get to know the nitty gritties...
And in the West this is prevalent... Live with the person long enough then when you know the person.. get married...
The sad fact is.. you will never know the person... not until you spend your lifetime with them... Its amazing how around 20+/- years mould a person so much that you can't find out everything there is to know about them...
Its all about understanding... between you and the spouse...
So here's my system on selecting a spouse:
- Find yourself before you go looking for someone else.
- Know what you want and why you want another person in your life.
- Find the person you think you might want.
- Find something in the person's looks that you love.
- Understand the person's dreams, the perfect future, the person has dreamt about.
- Understand the person's beliefs, what is and is not compatible.
- Understand the person's general outlook on life.
- Understand the person's limits (of understanding, of patience, etc.). Test if you can.
Some guidelines on each one
- To find yourself, you really need to get down in your heart. Be really clear on with yourself and find out your personality. The process of interaction with the public generally leads you to find you. But you need to interact with yourself in order to find the inner you.
- Once you know who you are. The hard part is knowing what you want. My way of doing this is imagining I'm stranded on an island. And then imagining if you'd really like the other person to be on the island with you, or would you prefer him/her coming out of the ocean. If you would prefer the person to be with you that means you're compatible and the marriage will probably last. If you would prefer the person to come out of the ocean, then its probably a short-term endeavour.
- There are several ways to find a person. Love or Arranged, either way you need to sit down with the person at least once to find this stuff out.
- There should be one thing that you absolutely adore in the looks of this person... whether its the hair, the eyes, the smile, anything that you really really love.
- You absolutely have to know what his/her perfect future is like... with/without you. If he/she says something like married with 10 kids and a full-time job then you're in for a ride.
- All aspects of belief should be questioned right there and then... If a person is into a religion, you need to find out what this religion is... inside out.. then only you can find out what this person's mode of thinking is and whether it will be compatible in the future.
- A general outlook on life on this world helps you to find out how this person will mature. It may not necessarily the way you predict, but it will help you to reason with him/her in the future.
- This is the part where I seem to have the most experience. I like to test the limits of most of the people I meet... The ones that I know I will be in contact with for a long time... Test the waters... joke a li'l bit... sweet insults... basically a battle of the wits... See how the other person responds... this will be your initial judgement.. It will or will not change in the future.. either the other person will adapt accordingly and make the coversation more interesting.. or the other person will just think that you're crazy... Either way, you'll be able to understand the person more and believe it or not, will probably get you closer together.
I think that's it for now...
12 comments:
Is this learned from experience or is it your own theory?
A very good thought-provoking question... How did I come up with this?
A li'l bit of both... Some of it is logical thinking and some experience.
Regardless, I'm sure if you'll try it... it's bound to have some good effect on you... (Interesting blog btw)
I've thought of an interesting way to do it myself, I put a list of qualities that I find important and then see how much the other would weigh in each category on a scale of 1-10.
Creativity: 7
Intellect: 6
Religion/Piety:
So and so on.
That would work, except its subjective i.e. What is the criteria for a 6 or any score..
Besides, how would you judge creativity or piety?
Well, obviously it's not an exact science. But she might have studied visual arts, designing, she might have studied something creative or she might do something creative with her time, such as blogging and so forth.
As for religion, you might learn more about her outlook on the world, and her actions, the company she keeps, her activities and so on.
You might come off with a general idea of who the person is.
Of course it's subjective, you're looking for someone to live your life with, it's got to be someone you will like, you can't afford to be objective or unbiased in this decision.
'tis my humble opinion, you're welcome to disagree :)
Just how did you go about tip#8?:P
loool.. at least arranged by parents is'nt on there!
This system transcends the type of marriage... It can be love or arranged as long as the boy and the girl have the a talk where each finds out about the stuff listed.
The one that struck a cord with me was number 4; pick one thing you adore about the person's looks.
For tip #8... I've experimented myself with several people.. There's only 1 person who really has stuck through the complete trials until now... quite interesting...
I did not say how many people have you persecuted!!I asked "how"?The modus operandi that is?!?!
Lol
Lol.. figured....
It's very simple to do.. All you need is a proper conversation to start with and then you're in a position to keep at it.. Ask questions... Give weird answers.. Make some comments... As long as you keep the conversation going you can find a lot about a person...
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