Bohemian

I recently watch Moulin Rouge coz I had nothing better to do. Their emphasis on Bohemian Ideals caught a bit of my attention.

Now Bohemianism started out in 19th century France. Although it has several meanings... All of them revolve around the 4 basic ideals stated in the movie:

1. Freedom
2. Beauty
3. Truth
4. Love

But isn't there a problem with this pattern?

You have the Freedom to depart from Morals into the lust of never ending Beauty where you start hating underprivileged in beauty (Ugly) - racism? - abiding by being True to your own self even if it means False to others... and Love...

The best thing in life is to love and be loved in return...

Is this really true? Where is the Freedom in being Loved? By default you are bound to the other person once you Love... Or is this part of leaving Morals behind?

The Degringolade of Conscience

Browsing a magazine this other day, I see some of the victims of natural disasters... I feel sorry for them...

I turn the page...

I see beautiful models dressed in very expensive clothing on the catwalk...

What am I supposed to feel?

Death, sickness, poverty on one side of the page...
Glamor, beauty, money on the other...

I figure they're just out there to kill our conscience... It is only our conscience that keeps us human and if that is dead we're no better than animals...

Considering what is going on is several parts of the world, I believe it just a lack of conscience and nothing else.. We are deteriorating (for lack of a better word... darn there's no proper opposite of Darwinism/Evolution)...

I just hope we can keep our conscience in tact... You're being attacked from everywhere... and soon your conscience will die... like it has died for the rest...

A li'l more interesting...

A car is purpose is to take its owner from place to place, and if it breaks down and isn't able to fulfill its purpose, the owner has no use for it. Likewise, if we don't fulfill the purpose for which the Creator and Owner of all created us, then He has no use for us.

Interesting...

You are here to perform a great job -- the greatest and noblest job there is. You are here to know the One Who gave you everything -- everything you have, have had, and ever will have. And then you are to tell others about this One. If you do this correctly, you are successful; if you don't do this, then you have failed to fulfill the purpose for which you were created.

Books

I don't get these people... There are quite a few novels out there that just exploit beliefs...

Useless people in dire need of publicity...

Frustration

I never thought I'd be blogging about work but here goes...

You get to see managers in your lifetime that seem to be quite competitive. Eventually they turn out to worse than you, except that they know a wee bit more than what you know in a specific field.

We have Program Management Officers who seem to be quite qualified, except that they just know that much and that's all they will ever know. No matter how much you teach them or tell them, nothing will change their perception of something.

We had a meeting discussing the ability of Vendor Project Managers to "Publish" their project plans in our portal. Mind you, the first meeting we had regarding this was 3 months ago and we had decided that the Project Owners (i.e. Project Manager from the - our - Company side) should take the plan and publish it, assigning all tasks to the Project Manager so that he can update it.

Now this meeting started off with discussing the drawbacks of having the Vendor Project Managers publish the plan instead of the Project Owner. The debate went on for some time, then all of a sudden, my fav. colleague (NOT), came in the meeting room (although he was not invited), and gave his suggestion, "Why don't we assign all tasks to the Project Manager and let him update the plan in that way?"

Bloody crap, don't you know we already have these permissions implemented.. Forget him, all the other Project Management Officers were like, "Yeah, why don't we do that... GO ahead and implement this, we review this tomorrow, meeting adjourned..."

Today, they tested it out, don't like it... so we go the same route again in the meeting today...

Time's awasting, dudes...

Birthdays

Days come... Days go... Years you look forward to... Years you look back at and remember...

Is life really worth living?

Health: Very limited
Wealth: Just vanishes
Love: Dies after time
Accomplishments: Nobody notices

Why do we celebrate Birthdays? To mark another year in our lives we haven't met the Angel of Death?

Pessimistic one year, Optimistic the next... It's all about living a life for a purpose...

To find THE purpose, the One who created the Universe, provides you with Religion... It is upto us to follow and find the purpose... or just plainly reject it coz we like living the way we live... every breath drawing us closer to darkness... The blinding darkness of old age... The ultimate darkness of the grave... and the final darkness of our soul...

Implosion Due?

"We face the real possibility that the Internet may implode on itself in the coming years, and will ultimately be a nice history lesson for future generations," he said. "I hope we can save it, but the current signs don't point in that direction." - Sachs of the Internet Storm Watch

Haha.. This should be interesting...

Quiet Mornings

For some reason I love quiet mornings... After I wake up till at least I get to work (timespan of 1.5 hours) I like it very quiet... not one word to be spoken to me nor do I like to speak..

Many of my mornings have been spent in complete silence... This helps me get a new perspective of things and helps me to notice things around me... also helps me to sort of plan the day out...

Comeback...

Been a long time... thought about loads of things that I wanted to write about... forgot most of them...

Its amazing how we go about our lives, from the time we were kids and didn't know anything and didn't remember much to the time we will be old and won't know much and won't remember much either. I recently got to meet a grandmother of some very young kids. She used to be a Teacher at a school. Quite a good one at that apparently, now she can't even recognise some of her own children unless she stares at them blankly for some time. Times change...

I used to read alot about mindfulness (noticing things)... quite interesting...

How do you sleep?

I sleep really well... no alarm wakes me in the middle of my sleep... in fact nothing (barely anything) wakes me...

Amazingly enough, I was so tired yesterday I decided I'd sleep half naked... It was fun.. until I felt really cold with AC on full.. so I sorta woke up, turned off the AC then went back to sleep... Then I felt really hot so I sorta woke up, turned on the fan and went back to sleep...

It was fun... well most of it... Thank God I live alone...

Satisfaction=Happiness?

From Finding Happiness at Work
Read the following statements about each basic desire. If they strongly describe you mark "+" if they somewhat describe you mark "0," and if they apply to you very little mark "-":

1. Curiosity. I have a thirst for knowledge. +

2. Acceptance. I have a hard time coping with criticism. -

3. Order. It upsets me when things are out of place. 0

4. Physical Activity. Physical fitness is very important to me. 0

5. Honor. I am a highly principled and loyal person. +

6. Power. I often seek leadership roles. +

7. Independence. Self-reliance is essential to my happiness. 0

8. Social Contact. I am known as a fun-loving person. +

9. Family. My children come first. -

10. Status. I am impressed by people who own expensive things. -

11. Idealism. Compared with most people, I am very concerned with social causes. 0

12. Vengeance. It is very important to me to get even with those who insult or offend me. 0

13. Romance. Compared with my peers, I spend much more time pursuing or having sex. -

14. Eating. I love to eat and often fantasize about food. -

15. Saving. I hate throwing things away. +

16. Tranquility. It scares me when my heart beats rapidly.


Now, look at your "plus" items. These are your priorities, and you should have five or six of them.

1. Curiosity. I have a thirst for knowledge. +
They don't have any crappy piece of way to gain knowledge here with that "Colleague" in front of me..

5. Honor. I am a highly principled and loyal person. +
I do my work as required of me, always go by the book and extremely hate work politics...

6. Power. I often seek leadership roles. +
I like to lead my own self then others... You wouldn't be anywhere without leadership...

8. Social Contact. I am known as a fun-loving person. +
It's nice to have a friendly conversation here and there...

15. Saving. I hate throwing things away. +
I hate wasting... so yea...


Although I totally disagree with:
"To do well in a career and enjoy life, people need to be in a job and work environment that are compatible with their intrinsic desires," concludes Reiss. "By repeatedly doing those things that fulfill your values, there is no limit to how meaningful and happy your life can be."

Repeatedly doing anything gives me the bore... New challenges within these fields are always interesting...

Venting...

I was thinking about writing about satisfaction.. but a few mails changed my mind..


X:
I have reviewed the ***** Workflow functionality and it seems it is exactly what we need. Can you, as a matter of urgency arrange for a live demo form a supplier and forward to us the product cost details.

Me:
I seem to notice that the Workflow is only limited to documents and specific lists provided by the installation. The Workflow cannot be extended to other lists available in Sharepoint. I have contacted *****, and hopefully they will reply with clarifications.

Colleague who is an !@#!@#!:
You seem to have read only about the Workflow for Share Point. Check out their regular workflow engine in their website.

I AM talking about Sharepoint dammit...

Colleague who is an !@#!@#!:
Can you please send me a progress report of what activities you were engaged in on Sunday last and yesterday!

Me:
I have been trying to setup the Failover server which shall be completed Today

We also had a 3 hour communication plan session and User Training. I have to train one PO and one PM today 1:00 pm.

Colleague who is an !@#!@#!:
It is a wonder you want me to guess your activities based on what you projected to do. I am asking about what was done. A mail sent at 10: 46 AM does not tell me what you did until 5 PM.

Managers

As requested by Princess Donna, Ima write sum'in about my Managers...

Well, my first experience with an Egyptian manager hadn't been good. He started off in IT as a Graphic Designer (seems like all managers I hate start with graphic designing)... When I had first joined the company he was the Multimedia Director... I was introduced and everything was fine until he showed me his works... So I thought maybe he just needs improvement and should be fine.. I later found out that 90% of the presentation he claimed he did was done by this other guy... Now I could smell something fishy so I decided to stay away from the guy...

Later on however, I found out that the guy was promoted to Head of the Web Department... I was literally like, "What!! He has no skills.." I kept it to myself obviously and his team... Now, his team hated him as much as I did (or vice versa)... I thought to myself, "I have to do something about this..."

So, the next thing you know, he's promoted as the Chief Technology Officer and he knows crap about technology... Apparently he had learned Oracle in 13 days... *shrug*

I had a sincere talk with my CEO about the future of the company.. and guess what? He promoted me to the Head of the Web Department.... Seeing this, that guy's blood boiled... Even more so because the team had informed the Management personally that I was a whole lot better than the previous guy... So this guy started playing games...

We had a new project... Quite a big one at that.. We had to make a replica of the UEFA site, except completely in Arabic... The CEO obviously consulted the CTO who directly said 5 days... I was like, "WTH (I couldn't use F coz that's considered really bad in this env.)!!!"... I had to convince the CEO with the CTO smiling at me and interrupting me quite a bit... Finally I got the CEO convinced that it would take 15 days... The CTO hated me even more.. He started shouting and screaming...

Rivalry ensued.. He would come and start giving my team tasks without my approval... Start coming and disturbing us very often... Start being picky on every little thing...

In any case, we completed the project on schedule, on time, in budget, complete customer satisfaction etc. etc... That guy started boiling so bad, he would sit late every day (The GM used to come in late every night)... And I started noticing these things and finally I decided I can't take it anymore... I went to the CEO just to tell him I quit.. He asked me to stay till the end of the month and I did... And then I left feeling sorry for the company...

Last I heard about them... They're trying to survive.. The CEO has quit... Several others are planning... But holding on to the last string...

Anyway, I hate work politics...

Recently, the Indi Colleague's trying to tell me that I shouldn't be part of team meetings coz it doesn't concern me... And tryin to impose this on me by CC'ing the real Boss...

Well I guess time has come to change another job...

I hate places with no challenges.. No definite direction... No strategy... No personal development...

What is the point?

I just don't get it.. What is the point of making a website if you don't have something niche? Everywhere you go, you get the same thing... Forums, Blogs, Auctions, Portfolios, etc. Its all there on the web... What more do we need?

Message?

A few words from Al-Qaeda then the response from Bush (didn't have enough time to finish it off)

AlQaeda:

Stick and Stones (missles and bombs) can break my bones but words (Terrorist) can never
hurt me.

You see Mr. Bush, we are a people who have faith. The faith in the right things. History has
proven that the people who have faith persevere. Whether they lose in the beginning they win
afterwards.

We are a people who do not care about this world, since our existence is for a purpose. We are
created for something and that something is to make all worship the Creator and not the
creations. We stay with the pain. We believe that without pain without sacrifice we would have
nothing. Every step you take to try to destroy us, we are enlightened. We know that someday
we are going to die and we have accepted this as our true fate.

We are not a materialistic people. We do not own things except what is truly needed. In the end it is the extra things you own that end up owning you. We have the ability to let things that do not matter truly slide.

Please go ahead and try to attack us. Destroy us with all you can. It is only that when we have lost everything that we are free to do anything.

Predijuce does not show much reason. Your predijuce towards our people (Afghanistan and Iraq) made you kill innocent civilians. Your evil is man's inhumanity towards man.

There are varying degrees of evil, we are due lesser farms of filth, not to push the bounds and crossover, into true corruption, into our domain, but if you do, you will look behind you and you will see us, and on that day you will reap it, and we will send you to whatever God you wish.
Do you possess the depth of faith to go as far as needed? We are warriors, when engaged in combat, the vanquishing of the enemy is our only concern. We suppress all human emotion and compassion. We kill whoever stands in the way. This truth lies at the heart of the art of combat.
Revenge is never a straight line. Its a forest and like a forest its easy to lose your way to get lost to forget where you came in but we have a guide, the only true Guide.. Our God, Allah.

We deserve our revenge and you deserve to die.

We will make you suffer till your last breath, that is our promise.

Bush:

Your attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. Your acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.

This will be a monumental struggle of good versus evil, but good (we) will prevail. This battle will take time and resolve, but make no mistake about it, we will win.

You are an enemy that tries to hide, but you won't be able to hide forever. You think your harbours are safe, but they won't be safe forever. You prey on innocent and unsuspecting people, then run for cover, but you won't be able to run for cover forever.

Your acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat. But they have failed; our country is strong.

Accidents

How many times have you been in a car accident?

Besides the fact that I drive like a wacko most of the accidents I have been in were the other guy's fault...

Accident #1
I'm driving on a straight two-way road and this guy comes and bumps into me.

Accident #2 - Life Threatening...
I'm driving on a highway, real fast, and this guy from my right tries to overtake me. Obviously he hits me and sends me spinning down the freeway till I hit a lamp post. The guy was nowhere to be seen...

Accident #3
I'm driving on the right side on a double road (two roads separated by an elevation with some trees) and this guy with a Cadillac Escalade hits my Corolla 90.

Crazy Drivers... pfft..

Hate

How often do you get irritated? What does it take to irritate you?

I get irritated by constant repitition... doesn't matter what it is.. as long as it is being repeated... it drives me crazy... My boss is the one person I know in my whole life who irritates me not only because of his repitition but because he doesn't want to understand...

For example, we have a problem and I somehow solved it without help from anybody... He just won't "understand"... He would go like, "No, how did you solve it?" - he's no techie and he tells me this himself when he's more sane... and when I tell him, then he goes I don't understand... I feel like saying, "Bugger off you imbicile", which obviously I keep to myself.. try to explain to him some more but no he would twist the question around so somehow HE is the one who solved it..

Bloody Indian... (I'm not generalising, just that this bloody Indian has gotten on my bloody nerves)... Hate the sound of this person...

Jealousy among other things

I just got meself a brand new SE P910i.. Its a bit bulky but its fine... In any case, I could see the fire in the eyes of someone... Its amazing what that fire can do...

I also noticed there are coupla thousand if not millions of dating/matching etc. sites..

In fact there are so many sites that are duplicated... The same information over and over again... And people copying and pasting from one site to another... The web has certainly grown entangled into itself..

Why is this? Is it just another way to brainwash your mind into doing something you wouldn't normally do? Is it to lure you in a round robin tournament where it will be you will lose no matter what you do?

Dreams...

I just can't seem to get rid of this dream. I've had it since quite a bit of time now. I think this might be the third time I'm seeing this... here goes...

The dream starts with 3 guys working to fix the roof of this shed. Apparantly this shed contains lots of shrimps. Its like a normal red-wooded barn type thingy. It starts to rain, first slowly, then harder... Now these guys are a bit confused... The youngest of 'em, probably in early teens, steps inside a broken edge onto something he could stand on and continues fixing the roof properly. All of a sudden, this kid slips and falls into the shrimps.

Now it gets wierd.

The shrimps eat this kid alive. Skin him to the bones, and you finally you see a skeleton with his hands up. The other guys are all talking about how he risked his life to save blah blah blah...

Then it fades out.

The next thing we see is two guys and a girl or two girls in a small boat on a river. Towards their left, is the same barn, deserted and all. The river ends and they get off. These guys definitely know what they're here for. They run, obviously looking around, to the entrance of a small cave which is blocked. After some code playing and trying to break through they're successful and all go in, except one guy who keeps watch. They start searching through this small room and finally come upon a small button. After pushing this button the scenery slides and they can see what they were looking for; The Anti-dote. They pick up the syringe and go outside only to find their friend lying on the ground. They quickly give him some 10-20ml of the anti-dote and he starts to come around. They make him stand and he gathers himself up. They look ahead and...

There are loads of shrimp bees thingy's flying around.

They're like, "RUN!" and start running for the boat. The bees following them and trying to sting them. The girl is the first one to reach near the boat and then this guy steps in front of her. Its the KID. She screams and accidentally she shoots him with some load of the Anti-dote and he faints. They all get in the boat, cover themselves up with a blanket and...

I wake up...

Extremely wierd. More because I love shrimps...

The spammers like me.. for some reason I just keep on gettin these dumb junk mails that I have to delete over and over again...

I saw a Viagra ad the other day... Quite an interesting analogy they used there... Man where do these thinkers come from... I would never have thought of actually using a straw to symbolize what it did and a Coke cup to symbolize what that did... These thinkers may be the only reason creativity still exists... (Just in case you're wondering what kind of cup, the pic's on the right)

Its been quite a bit of time I haven't blogged... Probably because I'm not very particular about blogging anyway... Even so, I have been keeping myself busy. Working 9 hours a day, coming home to an empty house. Preparing dinner (actually lunch since I don't eat anything till 530). Eating. Going window shopping.

I recently got in touch with my dad. He didn't recognize me at first, thinking I was calling him coz he owed me money (I think he was drunk). In any case, he said, "Oh, how you doin son? Been a long time hasn't it? Well son, I have one thing to say to you. You have made me proud."

Me: "How so?"
Him: "You have worked your way up."
Me: "Haven't we all?"
Him: "Sure, but you have done well."
Me: "I don't quite think so."
Him: "Well, I do. And believe me when I say this, you're better than your other brothers."
Me: "Well, I don't really know my other brothers."
Him: "That is another issue..."
Me: "Do you need money?"
Him: "Why do you say that?"
Me: "You thought I owed you money in the beginning of..."
Him: "These people keep on bothering me..."
Me: "Maybe because you really owe them."
Him: "When are you going to visit your grandmother?"
Me: "She has been dead for 10 years."
Him: "Don't get smart on me young man."
Me: "How much do you need pops?"
Him: "About 10 grand."
Me: "I'll send half of that tomorrow."
Him: "Thanks kid, I knew you were better than the others."
Me: "Don't start. Talk to ya laters."

There goes my vacation in the States...

Look at the Time...

I haven't blogged in ages... And though I don't have much to say even now... I would like to say this:

truth is peace of mind and falsehood is doubt

Good luck everybody with the summer... The sun's gonna fry you sooner or later...

So I am there checking my e-mail and guess what advertisement I see?

Its amazing what the world has come to. First there was modesty now there's love. First there was truth now there are lies. First there was knowledge, now we're just a bunch of fools watching movies and advertisements that not only promote materialism but also demote modesty.

Now when you see this advertisement, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Who do you think are the audience?

Since I already mentioned materialism you would like to know where does the materialistic view come around in this ad. Well let's break this ad down to 3 different bits. The top bit with the Logo (True); the middle bit with the picture; and the last bit with the punch line.

The first (top) bit
When you look at the ad the first thing you might look at (depending on where your eyes go first would either be the middle or the top; either case you'd definitely look at the top before going down) would the word True with an underline on the letter u. Some that is True is consistent with fact or reality, or in other words real. The first thing that would pop up in almost every other guy's head would be like "I wish... let me check it out...". Why? because he thinks that this is real. Some other guys would think, who probably have had the experience, "Impossible... never happens..." but then he still go checks the ad. Why? because True does not only symbolise real but it has an underlined U... "It's for You"...

The middle bit
Its a bit self-explanatory so I wouldn't mention too much just the fact that its eye-catching.

The last bit
Now we have the punch line. "What's more fun than love?" Any kid who has gone through his teens most probably knows the meaning of love (which is due to the fact that every normal human has hormones). The kid knows that it was fun while it lasted so the kid wants to feel the fun more. He does not want to be deprived of the "high".

.... Lost my train of thought... That's what happens when you blog at work.

Conspiracy Theory

We are in the midst of a time where technology is advancing to its limits and the state of the world (friendship between countries, etc.) is going down the drain.

Taking a step back we need to look at what is happening... While America used to have investment in other countries, now other countries have investments in America... America's currency is slowly losing to the Euro... Debt is increasing by the minute...

Standing from this place we need to evaluate the present and the possible future. What is in favor and what is not? And how we can avoid whatever is not...

We have so many unsolved problems and they seem to keep on increasing. The fact that time is running out seems to not effect us at all...

While we sit at the TV and listen to the predicted weather which we are quite sure is not going to happen, we don't predict our own future...

President Bush's war on terrorism has been using Ariel Sharon's approach to fighting terrorism which is to find terrorists and kill them. But so far the more terrorists Sharon kills, the more Israelis get killed by terrorists. The current state of Israel which is in a state of horrible insecurity will probably be the future state of America.

What we are going to see (probably very soon) is a war. But this war is not going to be anything like the previous wars that have taken place between countries. This is going to be a huge war... A war of religions...

Why hasn't it happened until now? Well the fact of the matter is... the people are currently looking the other way. For example, Afghanistan was destroyed - Pakistan looked the other way; Iraq was destroyed - all Arab countries looked the other way.

Why will it happen? You see there is only so much you can fear... If you lock a person who is afraid of the dark in a corner of a dark room.. That person will try his best to come to the door and bang it... You can only fear so much when you gain the confidence... And this confidence is going to drive these people...

What will happen to the rest of us?

Ice Cream

Have you ever tried having Ice Cream with a fork? I was feeling bored and I didn't want to wash the piled up dishes since yesterday so I decided, being lazy that I was, to have Ice Cream and fulfill the couch potato legacy...

Only to my surprise I found no clean spoon available... At that second *TING* and idea struck and my eyes were focused on the lovely and lonely fork... ~Tan Ta Ra ra~ Mr. Fork saves the day.. I took the fork and started eating...

You cannot imagine how incredibly fun it is doing something new... And I had my few minutes of extreme fun... The fun although changed into frustation at the end when some of the Ice Cream that had melted just wouldn't get onto the fork... After a coupla tens of times of trial and error I finally decided to drink the remaining part... This is where a new challenge arose..

How exactly do you drink from a plate?

After the whole episode was over I decided that I'd be better off doing the dishes every time I eat.. Since I don't have much to do anyway...

Animal Instinct

I was taking care of a few Goldfishies... very cute... The only problem was cleaning out their aquarium every few days... I would watch them for a great amount of time (lonely as I am) and try to understand what their point in life is... Tiny of a brain they do have which prolly only thinks about where the food is and what this "thing" with big huge face is doing looking at me taking a poo...

I also had birds, 2 finches and 2 budgies... Very noisy the finches... the budgies were okay... white, small, hopping around in their cage... The finches on the other hand would keep on fighting... One day I decided to thoroughly clean the budgies cage... So out of my complete illiteracy of relationships between animals I placed the budgies and the finches together in one cage and went on cleaning the budgies cage in the other room...

BIG MISTAKE

I came back and found that the birds had fought.. was a scene from a terrorist movie.. There was blood everywhere... One budgie badly hurt bleeding from the legs the other budgie was just sitting on the corner... One of the finches had blood on it and the other was in another corner... I quickly separated them and then examined each and every one real close... The budgie that was badly hurt and bleeding from the legs lost 1 leg and the other budgie died a few days after... The finch covered with blood is still alive whilst the other finch also died around the same time as the budgie...

Barbarism?

Recently I just started giving no heed to spoon and fork (forget about using chopsticks). Why has man created these tools when God has created hands? Why not just use your hands to eat rather than using two pieces of carved out metal.

In my experience, while using my hands to eat I feel more satisfied (fuller). On the other hand if I use a spoon I feel I need to more... more to eat... feel unsatisfied.

Am I going against evolution? Heck who isn't?

Forgetful Jones

Its been almost a week since I have blogged.. I had thought about many things to write about but never had the chance to even jot those thoughts down on a piece of paper... Having no thoughts listed out to write about I am sort of empty handed when I start writing this post...
Its amazing how we talk to ourselves and think things over... and then we just tend to forget them... How many times have you thought of something and then forgotten it?

"To forget is human..." - Me (at least I think so)

Its always easier to forget than it is to remember. Remembering requires more effort than forgetting. Apparantly that's common with nature; earming requires more effort than spending; pulling water from the well requires more effort than drinking... etc...

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Work is tiring... Wish I could just do some managerial stuff, earn good money and find peace...

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Hope the people in Indonesia are doing better after the Earthquake... God what is happenin to this world? Tsunami and now this...

My Dream Came True

This is something I came about recently

Detroit-based African American journalist and PR woman, Angelene McLaren, has been a Muslim for six years. Upon conversion she took the new name Sumayyah bint Joan. Here she records her encounter with Islam.

Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had a profound relationship with God. Even though I was raised a Catholic, with all its ambiguities, contradictions and confusion, I did my best to stay God-focused and not to give in to the teachings of the Church, because even to me as a child, they seemed to go against the grain somehow.

During my high school days, I made a conscious decision to apply myself more thoroughly to my faith. I attended mass twice a day, every day, went to the confessional at least once a week, and did all the ritual practices my priest insisted upon; all in an effort to draw closer to a God. The church failed to me to answer all of life's most pressing questions; who am I, who and what is God, why am I here, and what should be my relationship with this superior being who created the universe? How am I supposed to live my life? Who is my role model, and how should I follow him or her? Why does God need to have a son now, when He was alone in the creation of all that is, and need no partner or intercessor before? My priest was unable to answer my questions, beyond stating that I should have faith, and that it did not all have to make sense as long as my faith was strong enough. This did not satisfy me, and on finishing high school, I left the church and set out on a quest to find the correct way, belief and religion.

I investigated a number of religions in an effort to get rid of this internal emptiness. I practiced Hinduism, Taoism, Zen Buddhism, and in later years even dabbled in White Witchcraft. Now, most people may find this crazy, but you have to understand that I was searching, truly searching, but all these left a void, and just never seemed to fit.

Then one day my sister came to see me and what I saw took me by surprise. She entered the house with a very long dress and was covered from head to toe. Her hair was covered by an opaque scarf and came over her breasts to right above her waist. After asking her why she was dressed like that in the middle of summer when it's at least 85 degrees outside, she explained to me that she was a Muslim.

Now of all the religions I looked into, I never thought of investigating Islam, mainly because there didn't seem to be a lot of information readily available, and because I carried a lot of the Islamic stereotypes in my head, that I now have to deal with in other people. So I left my family and moved to California, still without a religion, or a sound relationship with God. In the beginning a lot of stereotypes about Islam kept me from studying about this religion.

At that point I gave up, and just decided to go with flow, and not worry about it. I did this for two years, and although I found love and got engaged to marry to my college sweetheart; something was still missing. In the back of my mind, there was always that nagging voice that kept telling me that my life was out of order, but I would do my best to ignore it, until one fateful night.

Right before I was due to leave California, and return to my home state to be with my fiancé and begin building our lives together, I had the scariest dream I've ever had in my life. In this dream, two very tall men dressed in white were standing at the foot of my bed. As I looked at them, I thought they were either aliens or angels, I wasn't sure which, but I was very afraid and was trying my utmost to get away from them, but the harder I tried to get away, the closer to them I got. Eventually, we ended up on top of a very high mountain, with a sea beneath us as red as blood and as hot as lava. The two men pointed and instructed me to look into the sea.

What I saw will stay with me until the day I die.

The sea was full of naked people, being turned over and over, like meat being roasted over a fire, and they were screaming, "Help us, help us!" Needless to say, I felt I was getting a fist-hand glimpse of Hell, and I was terrified. I told my fiancé about the dream, and he just laughed and said that I had an overactive imagination, but I couldn't dismiss it so easily.

When I returned to Michigan, I found out that my other sister, and my cousin had also embraced Islam during my absence. This made me curious, so I asked my sister to give me some books to read, and one of the first was, Descriptions of the Hell Fire. Everything that was in my dream was in this book. I was floored.

So I began reading and reading, and going to lectures and asking questions, and the more I learned about Islam, the more my head and heart told me that this was what I was looking or all along. I had made up my mind to embrace Islam, but I had one small problem, my fiancé.

He was adamant that he was not going to be a Muslim, so I had to choose between the man I loved, and doing what I knew in my heart was right. Allah, SWT, says that if you say you truly believe in Him and His Messenger, (peace be upon him), He will test you, and this was my test.

Despite the great amount of pain it caused me at the time, I did choose Islam over my fiancé. That was almost six years ago, and Allah has since blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves Him and Messenger, and a beautiful son. Allah says for all who truly want guidance, He will lead them from darkness into light; and I know that is what He did for me.

Sumayyah Bint Joan
------------------------------

Excerpts from an interview with Sumayyah bint Joan

Your family background
My family is from the island of Jamaica, and they immigrated to the US when I was six. My father, unhappy with the corruption of American society, sent us back to Jamaica to attend school, and I spent the school years there, and our holidays in America.

Education
I attended elementary school and high school in Jamaica. I then went on to the University of Michigan, where I studied Mass Communications. I am currently working towards my Masters in Mass Communications and Journalism. I also hold professional diplomas in Print Journalism, Broadcast Journalism, Photojournalism, Community and Media Relations, Electronic News Gathering and Newspaper Layout and Design.

Family's reaction to your conversion to Islam
I was the third of my mother's children to accept Islam, and although she was surprised, she did not treat me with any animosity, she felt as long as I was happy, she was happy.

A little about your husband
My sister's husband had a very good friend, who in turn had a very good friend (my husband) and he mentioned to my sister's husband that he had a friend who was looking to get married, and that's how it came about.

The books that had major impact on you.
I read many books before accepting Islam, and I had carried a copy of the Qur'an for about six years with me before I actually decided to sit down and read it. The Qur'an, the True Religion by Abu Ameenah, The Description of the Hellfire, The Description of the Paradise, and a slew of books by Ahmad Deedat.

How about your Dawah work?
My dawah efforts have been concentrated on the writings that I do for Islamic magazines like Islamic Voice and Al Jumuah magazine. I feel comfortable doing dawah that way and will continue to do so, insha' Allah.Common stereotypes that you encounteredThe most common stereotypes that I have to deal with, is the myth that because I wear full hijab, I am not educated, I am unsophisticated and I am oppressed. I hate this. But when I speak to people, and they find that I can string together a coherent sentence, they are at first surprised, but then they see the error of their ways. A lot of the problems, is because we Muslims have allowed outside forces to define who we are. Until we take the microphone and start telling people about Islam and the Muslims, they will always carry around the wrong ideas, based only on ignorance.Prospects for Islam in AmericaAmerica needs Islam. This country is so a-moral, that it boggles the mind, but the people are searching. The problem is that the majority of the Muslims who are here, are here for the dunya, and not for dawah, so you'll see the Muslims acting just like the disbelievers. So until the Muslims start loving Islam and come to grips with their responsibility to the rest of the mankind, things will only get worse. But despite our lackadaisical attitudes, Islam is growing here at a tremendous rate, and it shows no sign of slowing down.

Taken from: http://www.islamfortoday.com/angelene.htm

The week has ended and two days of vacation (i.e. no work) have almost begun. Its amazing that we always wait for the weekend to come. Its more amazing that we want it to come more because we don't want to do anything. But of course not all weekends are empty.

Last weekend I went on a road trip. Its sort of my favorite past-time (driving). I sometimes wish there was a road to everywhere in this world and I could be the only one who has driven on every street. Fantasies can be misleading.

That reminds me... I used to play a game called Final Fantasy... Lovely game... Nice story to it too... I wonder if they can make these kind of games more like reality... Or maybe I should start this kind of game...

In any case, weekend seems to be the only time where I can look back on the past 5 days and reflect. Being able to understand and being able to see the past are very important for planning for the future. In other words, you can only know (at least to an extent) what will happen in the future by completely understanding the past.

"The past moulds the future" - Wonder if anybody has already said that...

Accidents

Accidents do happen.. and they seem to happen a bit too frequently... especially when you least expect them...

That reminds me of something that happened quite a long time ago with my cousin... my cousin had destroyed something and when you would ask him he would say no he didn't do anything wrong.... but when you ask him whether he did it accidentally he would accept that he had done it... Quite an interesting statement from a very young kid...

What are the causes of accidents? Most of them have to blamed at human error. Accidents from drunk driving for example seem to top the lists.

Others are just natural disasters such as earthquakes. But most of these kind of accidents are prevented by proper planning.

Some accidents on the other hand are just pure n simple coincidence. The big bang for example quoted by some athiests as being just coincidence.

It is amazing how people believe and disbelieve so fast these days. We believe Osama is dead and then all of a sudden there comes a video/audio clip. We believe that Iraq war is a great war to rid the threat of Weapons of Mass Destruction (in the wrong hands) and then we get to know there were never anything of the like anywhere near the place.

Why are people around the world so biased? Why is there hate? Justice needs to be served and the final justice is quite close.

Mea Culpa...

Plans

I had planned to blog in this morning but I guess plans change...

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail" - Forgot who said this

Well I did plan but things didn't quite go the way I wanted them to go... This is a story of most people's lives... Not everything always goes as planned...

But Why?

Planning is always an essential part of life. The depth of one's perception can only be viewed by the person's plan. But how can one develop this depth? One's experience is a mirror of the depth that this person can plan with. The more depth the better the plan... However, there is always something that can go wrong... which is completely out of the perception...

"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong" - Murphy's Law

What can we do to avoid the problems that can erupt?

"Expect the unexpected" - Have no idea who said this either

Faith and belief... Most people say that having faith and belief in oneself is enough to overcome one's problems... I doubt that becuase it is not always true... It is faith and belief in something else that gets us through... Its faith and belief in God...

Have you ever noticed how many times you say God or Jesus or Christ or Pete or holy or any other religious thing for that matter? Its not because you are brought up in a "religious" household but its the fact that you believe (even though you might not act on it) but you do believe and you have faith that if not your plan... then it is definitely God who can help you with the problems that arise...

Wierd as it may seem the word God seems to comfort us... if you haven't noticed yet try closing your eyes and believe that someone powerful is watching you who has the key to everything and then whisper God...

Liked that?

Blackout

Its been a long time since I blogged... Its really because I have been through a phase... A phase that probably everyone goes through at least once in their lives... A phase of blackout...

Now different people experience different kinds of blackouts. For one it might mean a medical condition while for another its just a mood change. For me, however, it was time where I had a chance to look.

I looked at several things... I looked hard and for some wierd reason I felt safe... I felt safe within... and with this feeling I began to reflect... I began to think about my job, my life, my past, my present and my future... I began to think whether all the money I earn and the all the money I spend... what does it mean? I live to earn and spend to live... its a cycle that keeps going on and on and on...

Reminds me of a riddle during my school days... What goes on and on and has an I in the middle?

It is only those people who reflect that can see... The only thing I saw going on in this world was WAR... War on Terror... War on Iraq... War in Afganistan... It reminded me of my college days when we had a debate, the topic "Is war necessary for peace?" or something like that... There were many speeches and rebuttals... The only thing that prevailed in my thoughts was the fact that "War is necessary for Peace" but a war without vision... without faith... without mercy... is in fact not a War but a massacre...

All of us might remember the famous almost-irresistable have-to-watch movie Braveheart... What the guy (Mel Gibson) fought for was FREEDOM which obviously is misinterpreted in many ways. So let me just bring in the picture of Mr. Osama and place it on Mel Gibson... what is so different? Same thought... same vision...

This is getting a bit too far ahead... let me move one step back and go back to the point I originally stated... Not a War but a massacre... A war is usually done with a vision... The War on Terror for example is being carried out (amazingly by several countries - I wonder why they don't call it World War 3) with the vision: "Eradication of Terrorism". That is like saying you want to "Eradicate Burglary". Isn't mugging a for of terrorism? You want to "Eradicate killing of Innocent People"? Since when are the Palestinians not innocent?

A war is also done with faith... As history proves that many a war has been fought with a specific faith/religion being supported in the process...

And finally a war is not a war if there is no mercy... Mercy for the civilians... Mercy for the PoWs... Mercy for the country...

This is just one of the things I saw... and this is what I understood from what I saw... The who understands knows... And I for one... know what the near future lies (although it might not all be correct for nobody can really know the future)... for me and for the world...

I will be starting a new journey... I journey where I will ride on the saddle of patience...

New record for me...

I didn't know what to write the past few days and didn't know what to do... so I went on a drive... and a new record for me... I drove 870 km in 5 and a half hours flat... travelling at around 170 km/h and looking out for police radars... hehe... it was fun...

I have been told to constantly exercise my mind... And frankly, I really don't know how to exercise it... I stopped listening to music and found that my mind feels better... How do I know? I can think clearly, concentrate easily and... my heart told me... I still have this urge to watch movies 24/7 but I'm fighting it... well nowadays anyway...

There is quite a resemblance of humans with plants... You plant a seed and it stays in the ground for some time forming its structure... then it grows out of the soil and is exposed to the real world... It grows and grows and becomes a tree and then its finally cut down or takes part in natural disaster... In fact we're not very different... We grow out from seeds, form our structure in our mothers' womb... We're out in the real world after 9 months and we start growing... We have branches and fruits... and finally we just die... Quite an interesting resemblance...

Ran away...

Sometimes you feel like running away... hiding from the rest of the world... Well that's what I did...

I ran away from my job coz I just wanted to.. I couldn't take it anymore... I had it upto here with that manager... So I just took off... obviously I had completed all my tasks before I left.. I had prepared a handover document before-hand and made it available but never showed anybody.. hehe... my secret run-away plan worked... well until now anyway..

Today was my first day with another company offering a lot lesser than I was getting.. but the team seems to be nice.. very friendly... no stress... just work as you want.. The hours are longer though.. but that's not much of a problem.. I barely have anything else to do anyway...

And so I took a turn towards an unknown road and caught up with several friendly travellers... maybe this road will take me to a better future...

Annoying...

Main Entry: an·noy
1 : to disturb or irritate especially by repeated acts
2 : to harass especially by quick brief attacks
Taken from webster.com

I seem to annoy tons of people, startin from my Manager all the way to the other half of the world. There are people all around me who just seem to be annoyed by me. And for some reason, I don't care. They can get all annoyed they want. This is what I am. I do want to change but I don't want to at the same time. You see, I'm in a crisis at the moment... My heart is telling me something completely different to what my mind wants me to do... I'm in a total state of confusion and I have always been since... well I don't really know...

My part-time employer is really pissed off with me because I left him hanging in front of a customer. But why did I do that? He thinks (well I sorta made him think too) that its because he didn't pay half of my "salary" when I was on a salary basis. Well that's one reason I guess... Another is that he took a responsibility and didn't do it... and now blames it all on me... well let him blame it... your loss... you lose the project... what are you going to do... sue it out of me?

Then there is another reason.... When I asked you a couple of hundreds of times to tell me the budget so that I can plan accordingly... you said we'll decide later... well hard luck dude, later is past and no word from you... time's up and the money's gone...

Well he has talked to my current manager who seems to be very impressed by his story... he's coming over so that my manager can hear both sides... Apparantly he tells me he was crying.. what a show... all his employees left him and I was his last hope maybe... now the fuel has dried up from the burning lamp... time to file in for bankruptcy or just continue with your jobs like you were doing before anyway...

So there you go... a story of a person I annoyed so much... There are definitely others but maybe I'll leave 'em for some other time...

2 Weeks and nothing...

Two weeks of vacation and still no improvement. Back to the same boring job with the same crappy boss and a braindead guy as a newcomer. Life is good...

Two weeks I spent away from the computer and still my desire for it never decreased. For some reason I am tempted to turn every computer on and sit on it and do something... its always something... but that something turns out to be nothing because I never had a reason to put it on in the first place.

People properly manage their time but me... I have no management of anything whatsoever... I am not able to manage my career, my jobs, my life... Fear of management? ManagePhobia?

Lots of people in this world want to die because life is not good for them or every single thing is eating their head off... Although I don't have it that bad (even though I once had) I can't get myself to want to die... I mean you die and then... its eternal sleep (or resurrection), either way, its going to be a nightmare. I don't know about you but I don't like the feeling of living in a nightmare... and that too ETERNALLY....

I saw the sea for 24 hours continuously... It just keeps moving, just like time... There is no pause or rewind...

Love and Time

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love.

One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,"Richness, can you take me with you?"Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!""I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you.""Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?""It was Time," Knowledge answered."Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

What's up? Where ya been?

Came across...

I came across this interesting blog... Although I haven't read all of it... but looks interesting...

My mind was wandering around several things that I couldn't understand and now can't remember... I came across several different things that are unbelievable...

You know what? Maybe I am insane deep down inside and just show sanity on the outside... Maybe my heart is dead and my mind is controlling my body... or maybe its just the other way around...

Dreams make up a vital part of your life... Its a state of the soul where it can possibly see the future or show you signs so that you may understand what you should be doing...

If laughter is the best medicine then why does it hurt when you laugh?

What is the point?

Every single day of our lives we dream... Consciously or subconsciously... When we're small we are shown what we are supposed to do with our lives... Shown basic professions police, fireman, etc. etc... We are shown how life is once you have worked hard... How you get promoted and become a manager... And we all grow up chasing this dream... The dream to be rich... The dream to live happily ever after...

But there is NO happily ever after... no matter what you do in life you have to make decisions and these decisions (and the consequences of those decisions) end up molding you into a person... A person who has to face life as it comes to him/her...

Why do we do what we do? Why do we live to face life? What is the point of doing what we are doing everyday?

Every night I lie down on the bed thinking of what I have done today... What is the point of doing whatever I am doing... All those childhood dreams of being rich... of getting married... having loads of kids... being a good person... teaching kids... living a good life... They don't happen just like that...

The point is ... we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing... Our purpose is not clear... not when we were children not now... Obviously an arguable statement... I am helping 1000 people in Tsunami, I'm an aid worker... What about the rest 20000? What is your clear purpose? Are u part of a plan? How did you get here? What if there's a conspiracy behind everything being done in this world... What if America had exploded a bomb in the middle of the ocean... The question is Why... not How.. not when... not where... not who... but Why?

You don't have the Why? That is why you are powerless and I am powerful...

Oh yes!!!

I finally get to evaluate my manager... I guess if he sees what I have filled out he's gonna go bonkers and fire me if he could... lol...

Anyway, the days in this new year are much like the days in the past year... the only difference is.. its a new day...

Time is a/the key... You can't use the same key for different people... Its like a running river that never dries up... Every person is in a different boat... These boats join up to make a larger one at times... and vice versa, some of these boats break up into smaller ones... Some boats get old and break/sink... Some are destroyed by the tide... and some are destroyed by other boats...

I've seen one too many movies recently and i'm gettin a bit tired of happy endings and fiction... I want reality... I want more than a true-story based movie... I want it real... What am I talkin about?

Boredom only gets over you if your mind is idle or is limited to specific repititive actions... I want a challenge... I want to move forward... I want ...... so many things I don't have...

I'm so sick and tired of not being in touch with you.

Me getting all dressy before this shaadi I was going to, the summer before last. My hair was longer back then, and then I got it cut in layers. And now it's back to the same length (well, almost), just with a more layered look. Oh well, it's not like you would care. But, by gosh, my ass looks mighty. Hate it... Hate it... Hate it...

Love.

Me & Sabby - Halloween

...still waiting for yours.

Ye Bekhudi
TUMKO NA BHOOL PAAYENGEY

(Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana) - 2

Aashiqui, aawaargi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
Haan haan, haan haan
Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana

Aashiqui, aawaargi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
(Jaane jaan yeh dil mera
Tumko bhoola na paayega) - 2
Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana

Eh hey hey eh hey, eh hey hey eh hey
Eh hey hey, hey - 2
Tum mere dil mein aise base ho
Jaise ke dil ki dhadkan bane ho
Ho, tum mere dil mein aise base ho
Jaise ke dil ki dhadkan bane ho
Tumko meri jaan khabar hi nahin hai
Mere liye tum kya ban gaye ho

Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
Aashiqui, aawaargi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
(Jaane jaan yeh dil mera
Tumko bhoola na paayega) - 2
Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana

Aa hey hey eh, aa hey hey eh
Eh hey hey, hey
Chaahon mein tumko yeh aashiqui hai
Is aashiqui mein ek bekhudi hai
Ho, chaahon mein tumko yeh aashiqui hai
Is aashiqui mein ek bekhudi hai
Yeh bekhudi bhi deewanapan hai
Deewanepan mein aawaargi hai

Yeh bekhudi, deewaangi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
Aashiqui, aawaargi
Tumhi se hai meri jaane jaana
(Jaane jaan yeh dil mera
Tumko bhoola na paayega) - 2

------

[Dedicated to my love :)]

And the New Year begins...

What have we accomplished in the past year? And what will we accomplish in the next?

Planning is a key part of life. Insufficient planning can lead to disaster. Too much planning, on the other hand, might lead to waste of time. Balance being a key ingredient...

Balance is equilibrium... The whole world is properly balanced for us to live in... Who has balanced it? Certainly not the human race...

New Year, New Sins

2005 years since the death of Christ and people stopped believing in him. You hear more about his brother Jesus F. Christ than Christ himself... Its amazing how the F. word has progressed into the tongues of young and old... It is so common... They even associate it with God in "Holy F. God"... What did God ever do to you? You have free will.. what is the point of blaming your idiocity to God when he has given you free will... You're going to die one day as will all humans...

Dude, I haven't had a chance to speak to you all day! This totally sucks. Got your SMS by the way... made me smile the sweetest I ever have. I showed it to Appi of mine, saying how I got this from a "gora." She simply frowned. Oh well... I was mighty surprised, and happy ofcourse :)

I love anything from you. But yea, wut tha hell. You didn't even post on your own blog, let alone comment on mine. Mad.